Yo. I'm a cereal killer it's a bad habit! I killed lucky charms last week and the trix bunny before that. Gotta thank Nick for showing me ICP. I know I just murdered the lyrics too haha.

Today was long but fun.. my legs are killing me after four hours of water polo and hiking yesterday. I forgot how intense hiking with Chris is. I also forgot my vans are too big so i have two fatty blisters that feel amazing when I'm at water polo. Then I tripped last time I went hiking and the one scrape won't heal because my skin is too dry and it keeps cracking. My mom says I look like I just got out of battle... I'm not complaining though I love all the things I do.

It's so nice to be this tired though, I love how well I sleep at night. Even though when my alarm first goes off at 4:45 in the morning I feel like throwing my pillow through the wall, its kind of nice getting polo done early and having the rest of the day to do whatever. Even doing other activities on top of it... leave no time for excess thinking and other mundane things. Mundane perhaps isn't quite the right word but whatever.

Sometimes I feel like their is a distance between Nick and I, or me and other friends because of how my life is completely different then theirs. I'm at water polo so much and working so hard it, well Nick is off having fun with everyone doing normal summer things. Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to have a life like that, but I guess I can't understand it anymore then he can mine. It really doesn't matter ultimately I suppose, but sometimes the people I feel the most comfortable around is my polo friends because they get it, and they know exactly what's it like, our stresses, problems, the people. I start feeling this distance and isolation because I keep things in because I can't explain it.

Yet at times I feel so lonely... because I feel so out of touch with Nick's life or others friends lives and none of them understand or so it seems to me. They are caught up in completely different things then me, and they can try to pretend to pay attention but I know its not interesting unless you play the sport or really like sports. Thats not even exactly it either, its just so much of my energy is put into something intangible to them. I try to understand their lives and feel like a part of it but I don't. The more often I see Nick the less I feel that distance but lately I have and it makes me sad.

I can't really explain any of this that well. It is simply loneliness for what I am not quite sure.

I do know that I wouldn't trade what I do for a normal schedule because I would be bored as hell without it and I love the challenge and the fun of it. This summer has been the best ever so far, and I still get to do the hiking n climbing as well as just simply relaxing like last night. Last night with Nick was so fun all we did was listen to music make fun of tv and take Maggie to get a cheeseburger but for some reason it was so simple it was amazing. I don't know. lol. I'm excited for all the polo stuff going on this summer though... n I'm really happy I am playing the best I ever have.

Well this mess that doesn't make any sense is all I have to say.

Peace out.

You know what? I fucking hate the lay out of these journals it just fucking deleted a ton of crap I just wrote grr!!

Please bear with me as I start all over AGAIN!

Basically I have just been reflecting on how my life has changed in the passed year or less. How this summer I am much happier with water polo, and also how I have changed as a person. Also, because I haven't been writing much to do being busy, there is some gaps I need to fill in my journals, and I'm sorry to those who don't know me as well because some of this may not make sense to you.

I feel like a really pivotal moment in my life was Kendrick leaving. A lot changed in my life, and I got to start doing things i've never done before and I really began to enjoy life and being with friends. Now I really loving biking riding among other things, and I love being outside.

I just feel like my life in general is way more positive and happy then it once was, especially since Nick came into my life; I don't care how cheesy that sounds. After a depressing couple of experiences prior to that its nice to be with someone who I really care about and that really cares about me. We love being with each other and he is also a great friend to me, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to him as much as I do. I know things in relationships are fleeting as I have learned in the past, but this is the happiest I have ever been with someone...

Part of it was partly coincidence with him leaving, I was changing before he left, but it cemented my resolve to be the person I wanted to be without others dragging me down. Even for Brandon his life changed around that time as he found someone that makes him really happy, and I'm glad he did. Hillary has had the good and bad (both of us have I guess) but I think have all worked out in their own way for each of us.

I still sometimes have trouble comprehending how the person I used to be closet to, I am probably the farthest from now. I can't believe how rapidly a friendship or a relationship can change. Sometimes it makes me worried about what the future holds for my friends and I, but I guess the only thing to be done is to take things day by day...Month by month. I would have never predicted how things turning out this way at the beginning of the school year.

But in the end I am glad, things ultimately will work out in their own way, whether I like it or not and all I can do is hang on. It hurts when I lose some things and people, yet in the end something positive can usually be taken out of it. I'm excited for what the future holds.

Peace.

Hey, I just wanted to get the old journal off.

Life is as crazy as ever, but thankfully school is beginning to wind down.

I hate standardized testing and my insane math tests on standardized testing days.Oh well.

Got a new computer so maybe I will start scanning and posting my B&W stuff but i dont know life is too busy.

Bye...

It's cold. I had a bazillion messages so I am sorry, but I deleted everything.

School is boring and photo is boring as hell without Sam and Sara. This week is very stressful and I am going to be very glad when it is over except it is sounding like this weekend is going to be stressful too. Oh well. Cheers for the holiday season I guess.

Water Polo was great last night though. The drive seems like it takes forever now because its an hour away now but its very, very worth it. Just very cold getting out and covering a pool at 8:30 at night. Oh well.

Its weird, I've never noticed this before, but it seems like everywhere one looks at school now people are sucking face. Its disgusting.

Gotta go.....

'Later

Kendrick downloading their album for me yay!

anyways here is a random quiz, one of the funny ones. thanks, you know who you are :b

RULES:
1. Put Your itunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name
5. Tag 6 people.

(you don't have to copy/paste that if you are tagged)

Are you male or female?
Skin I'm In - Sly and the Family Stone

Describe yourself!
Cold Wind - B.R.M.C

What do people feel when they're around you?
Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 2 - Flaming Lips

Describe your current relationship.
Cut Your Hair - Pavement

Where would you like to be now?
Postcards From Italy - Beirut (O.O actually no)

How do you feel about love?
Monsoon of Perfume - Dengue Fever (wtf)

What's your life like?
Tomorrow Tomorrow - Elliot Smith (weird because after a bad day, I am always like tomorrow will be better! >.<

What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Get Better - Mates of State (O.O)

Say something wise.
Something bigger, Something Brighter - Pretty Girls Makes Graves

If someone says "is this okay?" you say,
Over Fire Island - Brian Eno

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Your Mother Should Know - The Beatles (o.o)

How do you feel today?
Unsleeping - Ms. John Soda

What is your life's purpose?
A Man Is Easy To Kill - Beulah (sorry kendrick D

What is your motto?
White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane (but... i dont do drugs!)

What do your friends think of you?
Mysteries of The Universe Unraveled - Man Man (xD)

What do you think of your parents?
Kreative Kontrol - Hot Snakes

What do you think about very often?
Tracy Jacks - Blur (o.O)

What is 2 + 2?
Within You, Without Out You - The Beatles (o.o)

What do you think of your best friend?
Lets Not Wrestle MT. Heart Attack - Liars (o.O)

What do you think of the person you like?
Springtime Is The Season - Of Montreal (OMG XD)

What is your life story?
Here Is No Why - Smashing Pumpkins

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sale of The Century - The Futureheads (NOOOOOOOO)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Karma's Payment - Modest Mouse (Nah..)

What will they play at your funeral?
Emma Blowgun's Last Stand - Beulah (o.O)

What is your hobby/interest?
Antichrist Television Blues - Arcade Fire (yes)

What is your biggest fear?
The Kelly Affair - Be Your Own Pet (actually listen to the song, and yes i would be afraid of what its about)

What is your biggest secret?
Sand In My Joints - Wire (o.o)

What do you think of your friends?
Blood On Our Hands - Death From Above 1979 (love this band.. and LOL)

What will you post this as
Dear God - XTC (xD)

I TAG KENDRICK ONLY HEHHEHHEH